


don't ever get hurt again (what matters is now)

by kaidoueiri



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 19:42:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11858370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaidoueiri/pseuds/kaidoueiri
Summary: jihoon notices something amiss with guanlin, the younger looks pissed and he can't figure out why.





	don't ever get hurt again (what matters is now)

**Author's Note:**

> i am crying, i wrote a panwink, my grammar sucks and i don't know how a human mind works i have no idea what i'm writing i am sorry but this is basically me thinking that guanlin looks so pissed @ sasaengs because jihoon got hurt and remember he was like u cant ever get hurt <3 @ jihoon??? remember that iconic moment???? also i wrote this in a rush, i have exams coming up i'm hella stressed and i did no homework but i have lots of panwink feels so... im sorry for the real mediocre writing im gonna dig a hole now

Jihoon raises his left hand and blows at it to soothe the new stinging scratches on it that came from the mess just moments ago. They were on the way to a filming and the sasaengs were pushing their boundaries. It was a blur of rowdiness and pushing everywhere. He couldn’t identify the source of his injury, but it definitely came from the sasaengs. 

 

Wanna One stops midway to greet the reporters and take photos for the news. Jihoon quickens his steps to catch up with the long legs of his favourite dongsaeng, who doesn’t appear to be in a particularly good mood that day. They stand in a line and wait for all members to be in order. Jihoon looks up at the towering figure beside him the said person who has a firm grip on Jihoon’s shoulder. Jihoon tries to meet his gaze but the latter is looking in the far distance before him, a dissatisfied look plastered on his face, eyebrows scrunching. Jihoon gulps and before he could think of a reasoned explanation for why Guanlin could look so pissed, Jisung signals for them to say their greetings and introduce themselves as Wanna One.

 

After photos were taken by the news reporters, Jihoon follows closely behind Guanlin as they hurry to get into the building, away from the crowd for safety. It was wild, loud, and dangerous. 

 

When they finally got in, the manager announced that they have some time for a break before filming begins. Daniel sighs with a sheepish smile and says, “what a crowd huh”. Jisung resumes his position as the motherly figure of the group and asked if everyone was okay. Daehwi wails and clings onto Sungwoon (who was pulling him along) for life, relieved that he is finally saved yet still feeling scared. Minhyun chuckles, unsure of how he feels – still in disbelief that such a huge crowd of fans was following them, something he never got before back in Nu’est (although most were sasaengs).

 

Then there was Guanlin, who Jihoon has been observing for awhile. Guanlin who was avoiding his glance, who chose to stand at the corner furthest away from him. Jihoon doesn’t know if it’s intentional or his mind is just playing games. Before he could go over to the younger’s side and check on him, Jisung attends to Jihoon, having noticed his injury earlier.

“Jihoonie, we have to clean you up”

“Ah, hyung, it’s just a minor scratch, it’ll be fine after I wash it—

 

Jisung smiles and shakes his head, holding onto Jihoon with one hand and reaching for cotton buds and antiseptic cream from his bag with his other. Jihoon unknowingly pouts as he sees Guanlin getting dragged away by Woojin who promised back in the dorm that he’ll share with the youngest a new game he discovered. The pout doesn’t go unnoticed by the all too knowing Jisung who chuckles, making Jihoon even more flustered.

“What, hyung”

“You look worried. Is Guanlin okay? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, he looks……” Jihoon couldn’t find a word to describe how Guanlin has been acting today, it’s just weird to him. Guanlin has a weird look especially today, different  
from the usual cheerful maknae of the group. He noticed the weird look this morning when the affectionate Daniel hyung was hugging him tight from behind during breakfast. Come to think of it, Jihoon seems to have seen that look last night when Jinyoung gave playfully bit his hand, exclaiming how cute he is to the whole group.

 

“Angry? Sad? I think something’s bothering our maknae lately. Ah, I shouldn’t have held back when I noticed something was wrong with him, I’ll ask him later. Maybe he’s just homesick, or something,” Jisung rambles on and speculates, all too capable of speaking too much and filling the conversation when the quieter Jihoon struggles to even find words to express how he feels sometimes. He drowns out the conversation while Jisung applies cream over his open wounds, motherly care oozing out of the eldest.  
Jihoon can't stand it. Jihoon can’t stand knowing that his favourite dongsaeng is clearly upset, he wants to make the latter feel better. He wants to know the reason why Guanlin has been frowning all morning, which escalated to a clearly annoyed look just now. Moreover, the younger didn’t speak much to him today when he would usually pester Jihoon and cling onto him like a puppy seeking for his attention and love. Maybe he should take him out on another icecream date later and get him to talk about what exactly have been bothering him. 

 

But they’re Wanna One, they have schedules, and no time for slow walks in the park nor deep conversations in the dark when they are tired. Now that the filming is starting real soon and yet Jihoon isn’t getting any answers, he feels unsettled, questions swimming in his head. 

What shocks him is that he now sees Guanlin cackling, breaking into giggles, a huge smile on the younger’s face, a complete 180 degrees change from before. Sungwoon had joined the small group of Woojin and Guanlin, sitting on Guanlin’s lap and the latter’s long arms wrapping his small physique from behind like a teddy bear. Jihoon feels something, something unknown tugging at his heart. It’s painful and his lips go dry, his lower lips trembles a little and he isn’t quite sure what was going on. One moment Guanlin is all angry, and the next he’s all warm and fluffy happy without Jihoon around. Jihoon is confused. 

A while later, they all gather, ready to head over to the room for the filming to take place. Jisung gives him a reassuring nod. Jihoon chokes back an uneasy smile.

 

They return back to their van to travel back to the dorm. As per usual, Jihoon takes the seat beside Guanlin – they have been sitting together ever since the first ride together – ready to fall into slumber. While the rest of the members are usually loud in the van, chattering non-stop, Jihoon and Guanlin chooses sleep every time. He decides that he would confront Guanlin later. Right now his head is in a mess, he’s confused and he doesn’t know if it’s all in his head. He shuts his eyes tight, too tired to address the looming pain in his chest that he can’t quite explain.

 

Moments passed and he doesn’t fall asleep. It takes him by surprise when he feels Guanlin’s hand hovering over his left then pulls away, as though hesitant to caress it but he does it anyway. There’s a slight pause before Guanlin holds his hand, searching for the perfect fit and entwining their fingers together. Jihoon jerks in surprise, eyes still closed, but Guanlin is unfaltered. The younger smiles to himself and tries to get some shut-eye. The older melts under the simple touch, he recalls declaring that they hold hands a lot on a particular vlive and blushes. Yet he is left confused as ever, a heavy feeling in his heart. Today has been long and tiring.

 

Apparently, the hyungs think otherwise, as though it’s a good day fit for another celebration of their debut, they order lots of chicken and pizza. Daehwi and Jinyoung, the usual two who doesn’t eat much, worries over getting on weight but Jisung reassures them that they should eat to their heart’s content. Jaehwan chirps in agreement, claiming that they don’t get a lot of opportunities to have celebratory dinners like this together, quietly adding that they don’t have much time together, earning himself a smack from Minhyun and silence ensues in the dorm.

 

Guanlin breaks the silence by declaring that he is tired and heading to bed first. He receives looks of concerns from all the hyungs, asking if he’s okay, whether is he homesick, the word worry written all over their faces. Daehwi even breaks into English words of concerns in hopes of a more genuine response, but Guanlin shakes his head and retreats into his room. The rest of them watches him until he closes the door. 

 

“Maybe he’s just really tired,” someone says. 

“I’ll go check on him,” Jisung sighs and walks over to the five people room, but is stopped by Jihoon.

“Actually, I’m kind of exhausted and not feeling it today, I’m turning in early too. I’ll check on Guanlin at the same time.” Jihoon says sheepishly, raising a hand to scratch his head awkwardly as he is aware of the awkwardness he is causing – a supposedly exciting night celebration with the two of them missing, how could it be the same?

 

Jisung sighs again, nodding at him with understanding while the rest of the members wishes him a good night rest for they know how hard he has worked and practiced today.  
He enters the large room with lights dimmed and notices Guanlin on his single bed, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling, and he couldn’t quite decipher the look on the younger again. He climbs onto Guanlin's bed, surprising the younger who instinctively makes place for him. Jihoon reaches over to wrap his arms around him, pulling them closer together than ever, especially when they were already confined to this tiny area called Guanlin’s bed. 

“Hyung, what—

 

Because it’s dark and Guanlin won’t be able to see the pink rosy cheeks that would follow up, Jihoon has the courage to lean over and plant a kiss on Guanlin’s cheek. Guanlin is taken aback, he is grinning wide, yet uncertain of where he should put his hands, unknowingly pushing Jihoon away just a little. The latter flinches at the touch, fighting to regain his composure. 

 

“Guanlin… are you okay?” Jihoon chokes out, his voice strained and raw. His chest is hurting so much and he is in so much confusion that he doesn’t know what to expect, he doesn’t know what he wants Guanlin to answer and he doesn’t know how to comfort him for whatever he answers.

 

“Ah? Hyung, I should be asking you that, you’re the one who got hurt today…” 

Jihoon raises a brow, not expecting that response at all. “Oh, I’m fine, It’s just a small cut, Guanlin-ah,” 

“I’m more concerned about you,” he adds, “You’ve been looking….. weird. Crestfallen, angry, I don’t know.” 

Guanlin is quiet. The older pauses and tries to search his eyes for answers.

He continues. “But I want to know why, I want to make you feel better, make you happy again. I know it’s not just because you’re homesick, it’s something else….. tell me, Linlin.”

Guanlin sighs, he retreated back into the bedroom to have alone time, to avoid facing reality. But now he’s all wrapped under Jihoon’s finger, unable to escape. He succumbs.

 

“It’s not just a small cut, hyung. You’re hurt….” Guanlin searches for Jihoon’s hand, careful not to hurt him.

“No, it’s okay, I’m—

“It’s not okay.” The younger squeaks.

“Eh, you’re not answering my questions….”

 

Guanlin holds the older’s hand in place, their fingers entwining again. It is now or never, he thinks. “Precisely because it doesn’t look like a big wound, yet it pains me to see that little scratch over your beautiful fingers, Jihoonie hyung. Because I, because I love you so much, it hurts. I don’t want to see you getting hurt ever again—“

There are tears in Guanlin’s eyes now, the revelations coming as a shock to Jihoon who is frozen.

 

“—But how do I ensure that,” Guanlin cries out, “how do I remain by your side when we don’t have a forever. Wanna One is ending at the end of next year, and I…you probably don’t even reciprocate my feelings, so I just…I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m thinking, telling you all this—

Guanlin doesn’t know what to say, he has revealed too much, he has confessed his feelings for the one person he has laid his eyes on for the longest time. He feels weak, and unable to reconcile everything that is happening.

But he doesn’t have to.

Jihoon leans in, closing the distance between them and briefly, brushes his lips against Guanlin’s, a hazy look in his eyes. He plants slow kisses all over the younger’s face, on his tears, on his cheeks, everywhere.

He pulls away and laughs heartily.

“You silly…”

“Wha—

A warm pink tone has filled Guanlin’s face, all the way to his ears.

Jihoon too.

“I love you too.”

 

In this moment, their hearts once wandering and lingering in hope, anticipation and sometimes darkness, is full.

In this moment, they complete one another.

What matters is right now.


End file.
